Archive for November 21, 2010

Book Review VI: God Chicks and The Men They Love

My sixth book review!! I did read a lot this year!!

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My my my. Although the book is primarily intended for married couples (and for women specifically), at least there are some sections for singles. On top of that, although the title refers to ladies, there are sections for men as well Open-mouthed smile In order not to be gender-biased, I will use the word “we” as much as possible rather than “women” or “men”.

Here you go!

 

Background of the Authors

Holly and Philip Wagner pastor and co-pastor Oasis Church in Los Angeles. They have been married for 25 years and here in this book they honestly share how they went through difficulties in marriages and how they handled them. They have been conducting GodChicks conferences as they focus their ministry on improving women’s  lives all around the world.

You can see their website here: http://www.godchicks.com/media/godchicks–the-men-they-love/

 

Introduction

Marriage is a union between two individuals. Since each individual has unique personality, strength and weakness, there will always be conflict in the marriage. As divorce is not an option, the couple should really work on their marriage. Differences should not be viewed as  the reason for the conflict. Rather, differences are there so the couple can complement each other.

 

Chapter 1: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

We need to love ourselves just like how God loves us the way we are. There are few things happen when we love ourselves. First, we become whole, not needy. Second, we are not envious with friends’ successes because we know God has great things in store for us. Third, we tend to be happier and can easily create a happy atmosphere wherever we are.

 

Chapter 2: Victorious Secrets

We all face tragedies, storms and heartbreaks. Maybe because of that, we give up hope. However, God wants to restore the future. Although it seems difficult, serving and worshiping God when there is no result to the hope is really the step to healing. Lord Jesus offers unconditional love, a healing love for every wounded heart. If necessary, we should share our wound with trustworthy people as sharing relieves us from carrying the whole burden alone.

 

Chapter 3: I Wish I May, I Wish I Might… Have a Great Marriage by Midnight

As mentioned above, marriage is not smooth. It takes a lot of work to build a happy marriage. Conflicts may arise as we may marry someone different from our expectation. The key to overcome these conflicts is really to learn and understand our spouse’s personality. If possible, we should not try to change his/her personality.The easiest way to learn about our spouse is by asking him/her questions about his/her likes and dislikes. Committing ourselves to be a student of our spouse is never convenient. Yet, it is worth the reward: a great marriage.

 

Chapter 4: The Precarious Practice of Kissing Frogs

We should not give access to our heart to just anyone. We should carefully evaluate any candidate when it comes to relationship. Evidence of character development has to be there. There are some warning signs in relationship: unrestrained emotion, lack of personal and spiritual growth, unwillingness to negotiate incompatibility, romantic-feeling-based decision making, and selfishness.

 

Chapter 5: Irreconcilable Differences

Differences between man and woman makes life stronger and interesting, not to separate them. In spite of the differences, they should work together toward unity. Unity takes time and effort to realize. The key to handle differences is to appreciate other’s opinion, negotiate on a agreement and focus on similarities. Some examples on these irreconcilable are differences in upbringing, personality and love language.

 

Chapter 6: You Had Me at Hello

There are 5 qualities of a thriving relationship. First, the couple express honor and admiration to each other. Second, the couple communicate their interest, expectation, encouragement and commitment to each other. Third, the couple show patience to each other’s difference. Fourth, the couple have to be dependable; they do what they promise each other. Fifth, the couple are humble; they admit, their mistakes and failures to each other.

 

Chapter 7: Sleeping with the Enemy

Conflict usually arises because we are selfish. It is not to be solved with hateful words, abuse, indifference or neglect. There are certain ways in handling conflict: First, pray; ask God to reveal one’s fault in conflict if there is any. Second, apologize. Third, try to see it from another perspective. Fourth, choose the right timing. Fifth, seek counsel from couple who do well in their marriage. Sixth, recall of spouse’s good qualities. Seventh, “we” is more important than “me” in marriage. Eight, relationship is more important than money. Ninth, we listen then talk, listen then talk again with regard to thought, feeling and desire.

 

Chapter 8: Purpose-Driven Wife

Every woman has a life purpose. The role of a man is to empower a woman to achieve her purpose, to make sure she succeeds in life. So significant is the role of a man that a woman has to careful in giving a man access to her heart. The role of a woman is so important that the world is awakening to an important truth: women and girls are the solution of many global problems today. In Scripture, God has revealed that a woman holds an important position even in a ministry.

 

Chapter 9: Shift Happens

Children are an important part of the marriage. However, no matter how busy a woman is in taking care of them, she still needs to spend time with her husband. The couple should definitely honor their parents and parents in law. However, the marriage now takes higher priority. The couple are to choose friends who are supportive of their marriage. Work is important, but it should not compromise marriage. Last but not least, the couple should be planted in the house of God, not just attending, because church is community of people who are committed to build a strong marriage.

 

Chapter 10: Give Me Five!

There are five important needs of a man. First, he needs respect as a man likes to win and be a hero. Second, he needs encouragement, affirmation in his accomplishment and support in his weakness. Third, a man needs humorous and fun companionship. Fourth, he needs sex and physical beauty from his wife. Fifth, he needs adventure. A woman’s needs includes non-sexual touch, conversation, honesty, financial security and family commitment. There are two extremes of guys. First, a passive guy who is undependable and abdicates responsibility. Second, aggressive guy who is self centered and to be a leader all the time. For Lord Jesus, a real man can be both strong and compassionate, leading and serving.

 

Chapter 11: S-E-X Is Not a Four-Letter Word

Sex is God’s gift and is enjoyable to both husband and wife. It is only meant for married couple and virginity is honorable. Reasons for great sex include for enjoyment, unity and producing children. Great sex requires communication between what husband and wife want and need, honesty about sexual fulfillment, orgasm, physical attraction and temptation, and willingness to grow in each “practice” session. Other tools for great sex include a sense of humor, creativity and imagination and the right atmosphere.

 

Self Reflection

In the end, I can’t practice most of the concept in this book although this book is very practical. But at least, I can prepare few stuffs for future marriage. For instance, in chapter 10, a woman needs financial security. Well, I have to work hard and get more money for future. A wedding may cost at least 50K. I had a conversation with a couple yesterday. To buy a flat, I may need at about 500K. Well, that’s seriously a lot of money. Also, I am also practicing to be strong and compassionate, leading and serving.

 

Whether you are married or still single, do get your copy of this wonderful book in Attributes today, ok?

Smile

Posted November 21, 2010 by Jefri Yue Fei 吴岳飞 in Uncategorized