Archive for October 16, 2012

Book Review XV: What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women

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A book I purchased during 23% discount sale in church.
I was so hungry to know about relationship, hence I grabbed plenty titles during the season.
Hope you like the review on this book.

Dr. James Dobson understood the importance of women in today’s society.
He regretted the lack of respect given to homemaker, a housewife.
The role of a woman as a mother and wife is really enormous and it carries big responsibility.
Many times, a wife does not receive any support from her husband in carrying out this role.
Hence, she may experience depression.

Dr. Dobson conducted a survey among women to find out the source of depression.
He identified the sources and then he offered some answers.
In addition to that, he gave some tips on what the husbands can do to help their wives
(provided the husbands read this book, something that Dr. Dobson himself has doubt on).

1.) Low self esteem
It is feeling of loneliness, having no one to talk to; of being ugly and sexually unattractive; of failure as a wife and mother.
Some women choose to withdraw as they do not want to get ridiculed whereas some others will fight to prove their worth.
For those suffering from low self esteem, the solution Dr. Dobson is one: the women should realize that they are equal to men;
that feminine role as a mother and wife is full of dignity as how God intended it to be.

2.) Fatigue and Time Pressure
Nowadays, “to-do list” has become longer and tighter.
Time pressure has made parents spend little time with their children.
Dr. Dobson recommended husband to understand their wives’ struggle.
If possible the couple should hire a domestic helper.
In all cases, the husband/wife should learn to gracefully say “no” to avoidable busyness.

3.) Loneliness, isolation, boredom and absence of romantic love in marriage
A husband doesn’t generally depend on his wife as primary shield against inferiority.
He derives self esteem from being respected, something he can get from workplace.
On the other hand, fulltime housewife derives self esteem from being loved, mainly from her husband as she may be isolated from others.
While a husband might approach a marriage like a business partnership, a wife longs to be his special sweetheart.
The solution to this is found in the Bible: the husband is the cheer his wife up and to love her (Deut 24:5, Eph 5:28-33).

4.) Financial difficulty
Dr. Dobson recommended a reevaluation on the family spending.
The couple should not invest lives on worthless materialism, both in the original expenditure and the subsequent maintenance.
Earthly existence only has meaning has one lives a life of serving God, invests in other people’s lives and nurtures a loving family.

5.) Sexual problem
God designed sexual intercourse as a mean of communicating commitment and to bring pleasure.
There is difference, however, between sex for men and for women.
Sex for men is mainly physical thing whereas sex for women is emotional experience.
Hence, unless the wife feels a certain closeness to her husband, she will not enjoy sexual encounter with him.
Several ways the husband can help their wife overcome this sexual problem: to improve the romantic element, not to demand that his wife experience orgasm, to pay attention to the geography and technique of intercourse, and to always uphold his wife’s self esteem.

6.) Menstrual and psychological problem.
Women’s self esteem is related to estrogen level.
They may feel more depressed and irritable before menstruation than in the midcycle.
Lack of estrogen affects their psychological and physical problem.
If necessary, Dr. Dobson recommended hormonal therapy to women experiencing menopause.

7.) Problem with children
Both father and mother contribute to the development of their children.
Child care center is not a substitute of parents’ responsibility.
A husband must provide full support to his fulltime housewife.

8.) Aging
Old age may be an experience filled with loneliness, sickness and low self esteem.
Fortunately, for Christians, there is hope of eternal life beyond the grave.
In her old age, a wife needs the same love and respect she received from her husband when she was younger.

A very thoroughly written book.
It has taught me many things about women and prepared me for my future family.
I am not sure if The Ink Room bookstore still has this title in stock.
But if it does, do get a copy of it, ok?
I’d like to end this review with a quote from this book:

What do women most want from their husbands?
It is the assurance that “hand and hand we’ll face the best and worst life has to offer-together.”

Posted October 16, 2012 by Jefri Yue Fei 吴岳飞 in Book Review

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