Archive for March 19, 2014

Dr. Robi’s Teaching 6, July, 2012: 93% Stress Free Parenting


Rules, treatments, probation. Instead of focusing on these, why don’t we focus on parenting?
Parents have the opportunity to sow into their children’s lives.
Parents should not just become disciplinary agents. Roles of parents:
– To provide unconditional loves.
– Director of behavior.
– Trainer
– Cheerleaders
– Spiritual mentors.

Instead of more rules, what about more ethics?

How can we make sustainable impact on child’s life?
Can we make parenting less stressful and more fun?
Respect is the governing principle of parenting.

We can govern people using soccer principle: the parents become the referee.
7 characteristics of referees:

1.) Two or more referees.
Single parent can be very stressful.

2.) They back each other up 100% all the time.
Mom and Dad should agree with each other with how to handle kids.
The moment Mom and Dad may disagree with each other but this has to be done behind closed doors.

3.) Emotional control.
Parents should never lose control of their emotion when the kids make mistakes.

4.) Referees always follow through on the call = consistency.
Inconsistency is more powerful than consistency.
Negative behavior is more remembered than positive behavior.
Once parents give instruction, parents should be consistent with it.

5.) Establish the rules in advance
Referees do not make up rules on the spot.
Parents should enforce the pre-established rules.

6.) Referees are actively involved.
Referees run together with players. Parents should know what ongoing things with their kids.

7.) Action, not just words.
Referees do not need to lecture the players. They simply whistle the blow.

Players have different objectives in playing the game.
Family should have an objective too.
’Why is family fantastic?’ How does the kid answer this question?

Parenting isn’t democracy. It is absolute dictatorian.
Parents decide the objective, not the kids. Nevertheless, parents can invite the kids to play along.
Rules before relationship establishes resentment.
Relationship before rules establishes respect.
Rules are still important. Boundaries maintain the fun, not to restrict the fun.

What kids’ behavior we want to see more? See less?
There are positive and negative consequences.
There is natural consequence for an action. Parents may not even need to scold the kids.
However, in special cases, the kids really cross the line. Referees hold up yellow card or red card.

When kids are involved in thinking the consequence, kids will take ownership too.
When the kids really cross the line, we show symbols. The kids should learn to identify their mistakes.
Kids should think whether their behavior violates the family rules.

There is reward for positive behavior too.
Parents should praise their kids for what they do, why the parents like the doing and how the parents feel impacted.
The reward can be reward of time. The kids can spend the time with their parents in an pre-approved activity which will build relationship.

Parents should parent the kids’ hearts not the behavior.
The moment the kids show slight disrespect toward parents, parents should issue a yellow card.

You can purchase his teaching at The Ink Room.

Posted March 19, 2014 by Jefri Yue Fei 吴岳飞 in Robi Sonderegger, Sermon