Book review XXX: The Five Love Needs of Men and Women

P2090050

Man! I reaalllyyy like reading books by the Rossbergs.
I have learned many things about relationship especially on how to nurture a great marriage.
Indeed, marriage is about meeting spouse’s love needs.

Why is it important to do so? Meeting spouse’s love needs is  a matter of keeping vows.
It is what God calls you to do and it will result in a great marriage.
Neglecting spouse’s love needs will cost marriage.
Many Christian marriages end up in divorce due to not meeting those needs.

Five love needs of a husband are: 
1. Uunconditional love and acceptance, 
2. Sexual intimacy, 
3. Companionship, 
4. Encouragement and affirmation, 
5. Spiritual intimacy.

Five love needs of a wife are: 
1. Unconditional love and acceptance, 
2. Emotional intimacy and communication, 
3. Spiritual intimacy, 
4. Encouragement and affirmation, 
5. Companionship.

1. The need of unconditional love and acceptance for a husband
A husband wants to drop his mask and still be loved by his wife in riches or poverty, in health or sickness.
It is easy to love in good times. But, a husband needs unconditional love especially in tough time.
All unconditional love starts with God who loves us unconditionally by sending Jesus Christ for us.
Unconditional love means putting spouse’s needs above personal needs.
A husband needs to know that his wife loves him and shows grace to him even when he disappoints her.
As much as possible, wife should affirm her husband.
A husband has to learn to listen to his wife’s feeling while a wife has to learn to listen to her husband’s idea.
Unconditional love occurs in the environment of communication. Hence, husband and wife must take time to connect to each other.
In addition, a wife should not stop studying her husband’s mood and personality.

1. The need of unconditional love and acceptance for a wife
A husband should love his wife at her greatest pain, vulnerability and pressure.
At the times when a wife feels the need to please many audience, her husband has to remind her that she is to please the audience of One.
Many times, a wife feels insecure as she compares herself with other women.
To solve this insecurity, her husband is to love her and remind her that she is a blessing a him to him.
In addition, he should compliment her looks, character and spiritual growth.
A husband has to model God’s unconditional love to her wife by encouraging her and standing with her. 
At times, a woman verbally processes her thought by talking. Hence, her husband should respect her opinion, talk with her and listen.
A woman may become cranky and easily irritable during her time of the month. Her husband then has to be tender with her.
As Lord Jesus serves the church, a husband is to serve his wife too.

2. The need of sexual intimacy for a husband
God wires husband and wife differently. A husband needs sexual intimacy whereas his wife longs for emotional intimacy.
While a husband may have been drained hard all day long, he can quickly shift gear and get the sexual urge just by one touch, one word or one eye-contact.
It is all related to the chemistry of the male brain. Man can be sexually stimulated even without external stimulus.
In fact, man can think about sex all day long.
Man thinks in boxes and all those boxes are isolated from one another.
Male sex box is ready to open at a moment’s notice while other boxes are closed.
For woman, all boxes are open at the same time.
Hence, open and honest communication is important before a woman can open up to sexual intimacy.
Much of man’s masculinity is rooted in his sexuality.
When a wife withdraws from her husband sexually, he will feel emotionally shutdown or even do something immoral.
In fact, he may withdraw emotional intimacy from his wife too.
No sex, no talk. No talk, no sex. It is a vicious cycle.
A husband feels loved when his wife responds to him sexually.
Unless both partners agree, sexual infrequency (once a week or less) should be a major concern in marriage.
How should a wife meet her husband’s need of sexual intimacy?
– She should talk to God about this issue.
– She can start with her own heart: what is blocking her from enjoying sex in marriage? Is there hurt or unresolved conflict between husband and wife? Is there past sexual experience?
– She should learn what satisfies her husband.
– She should commit herself to meet his sexual needs too.

2. The need of emotional intimacy for wife: Talk
A wife will only be sexually aroused after her husband connects to her heart.
Sexual intimacy without emotional intimacy will make a wife feel like machine.
A husband should give the best treatment to his wife, not only to his customers.
A woman needs to talk as it is a way to process her thought. Hence, a husband has to spend time connecting with her through talking too.
If this emotional intimacy is not met, a wife may withdraw emotionally from her, may not respond to her sexually, and may look elsewhere to get her needs met.
A wife is eager to know the smallest detail of her husband’s life: what he has for dinner, what he thinks during work.
She loves talking for hours and hours with her husband.
As both their souls undress toward each other, their bodies will follow.
How can a husband meet his wife’s emotional need?
– He should listen to her, giving her undivided attention, not trying to fix her.
– He should show her an understanding heart.
– He should build rapport with her by giving her as many details as she wants.
– He should resolve conflict without any physical or verbal abuse.
– He should safeguard his marriage by avoiding extramarital temptation.

3. The need of friendship for a husband 
A husband needs to share his happy and sad moment with his best friend: his wife.
This need of companionship started in the garden of Eden when God said, "It is not good for a man to be alone."
True friendship requires honesty, trust, vulnerability and encouragement.
A husband needs his wife to have realistic expectation from him. After all, a husband is not designed to be his wife’s girlfriend, only her best friend.
A husband needs his wife to speak the truth, correcting him, in love.
A husband needs his wife to be honest and vice versa. Without honesty, there won’t be any trust.
A husband needs his wife to enter into his world. It does not necessarily mean the wife should take up her husband’s passion. By stepping into his world, a wife encourages her husband to step into her world too.

3. The need of spiritual intimacy for a wife
A strong marriage is the marriage of three: God, man and woman.
A wife needs to grow spiritually and to express her spiritual gifts.
She needs to be in fellowship with other Christians, especially his husband.
A wife needs her husband to be in charge of of the spiritual growth of the family.
As he strengthens his relationship with God, he will strengthen her relationship with God and him.
He should pray with and for his wife, should read the Bible and share about God to the children.
A husband is to be neither a controlling leader or a passive leader. He is to be a servant leader for his wife.
This role is a biblical responsibility for every Christian husband.

4. The need of encouragement for a husband
A husband thrills on victory and he needs cheer from his strongest cheerleader: his wife.
He needs to hear encouragement from God and his wife.
Encouragement is a wife tuning away from distraction such as bills, jobs, housework and kids and tuning to her husband.
Encouragement is she listening actively to him and reminding him she would marry him all over again.
A wife should encourage her husband to grow spiritually, to be accountable and to connect with his children.

4. The need of encouragement for a wife
A woman needs encouragement as much as a man needs. The form of encouragement can be different, though.
As much as a husband needs his wife to be his best cheer leader, a wife needs her husband to he her greatest cheer leader too.
Many times a wife wants to share her thought and feeling freely to her husband without requesting a solution. This is her way to build emotional ties. A husband can encourage her by simply listening to her and empathize with her.
A husband should prioritize his wife over his work, not matter how busy he is.
A husband should point out his wife’s potential no matter how much criticism she receives.
As often as possible, a husband should praise her wife for who she is both publicly and privately.
If necessary, a husband can learn how to encourage his wife by copying what her friends do to encourage her.
Just like during the dating days, a husband has to keep impressing his wife by saying all the positive things about her.

5. The need of spiritual connection for a husband
Becoming a servant leader is a tough job for a husband as he has to reject cultural teaching on masculinity.
The culture teaches toughness whereas the Bible requires humility from a man.
Hence, a husband needs help from his wife in order to be a servant leader.
A wife should not push her husband into fulfilling this role by shaming him.
In order to be a servant leader, a husband has to have personal time in the Word of God, prayer, fellowship and worship both alone and together with his wife.
This spiritual connection is important especially during the time of family crisis.

5. The need of friendship for a wife
A wife longs for a heart to heart communication, special time and growing old with her husband.
Friendship means to laugh together, to stay on the course together, to work through differences between men and women.
It also means you are careful with what you say, you tell truth but not at the other’s expenses and you bring out the best in other’s life.
She needs her husband to be her best friend who sees her bad, good, beautiful and ugly and he still loves her.
She needs her husband as a safe place to be herself.
She needs her husband’s integrity.
She needs her husband to honor her.
A husband should apologize to the wife when he is wrong and should step into her world.
A great friendship will greatly comfort the couple especially in difficult times.

Do get a copy of this book at The Ink Room, ok? ^_^
(http://www.theinkroom.com.sg/5-love-needs-of-men-women-paperback-english.html)

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: