Pastor Kong’s and Pastor Sun’s Sermon 19, March, 2016 Relationship Builders (2): Friendship

The principle of love is universal. People are looking for love everywhere.
Marriage, however, is the most complex relationship.

1 Thessalonians 2:8
Loving someone means caring. If we care, we will be aware.
1 Cor 7:33
If one is married, one must care with how to please the spouse.

In marriage, it is impossible not to quarrel or argue.
Most couples do mess up during conflict, even Christian couples.
For some couples, profanity and vulgarity even come out.

What is the secret weapon for happy marriage?
Repair attempt.
It is statement or action that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.
We definitely do not want to regret what we say during the quarrel.
We can say something like this, “Stop yelling”, “Let’s take a break from this.”

Whether repair is successful or not, it has nothing to do with how eloquent the couple is.
It has everything to do with friendship state between husband and wife.
When there is strong friendship, couple will know what to do and to say.

Happily married couple have positive thoughts overwhelming negative thoughts of one another.
A husband and wife can have different temperaments.
Nevertheless, if they have great friendship, they will be happy.
Sometimes, there should be an exchange of habit too to enhance the friendship.

Every normal couple fights and quarrels because we are not robots. We have our individual opinion.

Proverb 27:17
God uses friendship to sharpen us. There will be friction and spark which are good for us.

Deep friendship = there is respect and mutual enjoyment of each other’s company.
We want to hang out and spend time together.
Friendship is built on little things with each other day in and day out.
Romance is built on little things more than the big things.

What fans the flames of romance?
It is not holiday or lavish gift. It is not big gesture.
What fuels the romance is friendship. Doing little things together day in and day out.

It is in those little moments which make the heart and the soul of marriage.
Friendship means tuning toward each other.
A spouse must turn toward each other even when it is difficult to love another spouse.

What do friends do?

– Friends share details of their lives with one another.

The more we are aware of each other, the better friends we become.
John 15:15
Things Lord Jesus heard, He shared with His disciples.
Couple must be intimately familiar with likes or dislikes, hopes and fears of another spouse.
Does the couple know each other’s goals? The works? The projects?
How can the couple love each other without knowing the details?
It is friendship which makes sex and romance great.
Friends update each other. In these days, many couple are quiet and do not update each other of daily life.
Do you know what makes your spouse happy? Who irritates your spouse?
Please make sure you stay current with your spouse’s life.
Updating is a lifelong process.
Sometimes there is a major update when there is a major change in life: retirement, parenthood, menopause, etc.

Talking about babies.
Baby brings great joy in marriage. Many women become unhappy because the husbands no longer transition to be fathers too.
Husbands must then redefine we-ness: husband+wife to husband+wife+baby.

– Friends invest heavily in respect and affection

2  most important ingredients of friendship are respect and affection.
Phil 2:3
Husband and wife esteem each other.
1 Cor 7:3
Husband and wife must give affection to each other.

During time of conflict, the couple are disgusted with each other.
To prevent disgust, the couple must show respect and affection.

Husband must never give solution immediately.
Showing empathy must precede advice.
Wife wants to know her husband understands and cares for her feeling.

When the wife cries, what should the husband do?
Show genuine interest by asking the details. Show empathy that husband understands her. Wait before offering solution.
The husband can say, “Oh no. That’s poor thing. How can they say that to you?”

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Posted March 23, 2016 by Jefri Yue Fei 吴岳飞 in Kong Hee, Sermon, Sun Ho

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