Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Tag

The Ink Room Duty 13, January, 2013

Could not serve on Saturday. Hence, I did some make up duty with Sunday team.
Hmm, if I remember correctly, it was my first time serving with Sunday team B.
Well, it is good to make more friend and to know more people from the same ministry.

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Celebrated birthday of some of the members. Unfortunately, I do not remember all their names.
No good. I should try to remember their names.
Maybe during gathering of the whole ministry, then I can meet Sunday team again?

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My usual job description is to finish a cake, not to cut it.
Ut was my first time ‘chopping up’ birthday cakes into nice slices of cakes.
Congratulate me, please.


Received some Starbucks latte from Greeters Ministry.
Nice caffeine injection to keep me awake as the night before I had not enough sleep.


Some cowboy accessories for bookstore event (guesssss???)

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Did my shopping too.
3 CDs + 1 book = less than 80 bucks after all the discount.
I bought the book because I invest a lot in (future) relationship.
The CDs contain popular songs the church has been singing.
I need to somehow serve the customers better.

Book Review XV: What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women


A book I purchased during 23% discount sale in church.
I was so hungry to know about relationship, hence I grabbed plenty titles during the season.
Hope you like the review on this book.

Dr. James Dobson understood the importance of women in today’s society.
He regretted the lack of respect given to homemaker, a housewife.
The role of a woman as a mother and wife is really enormous and it carries big responsibility.
Many times, a wife does not receive any support from her husband in carrying out this role.
Hence, she may experience depression.

Dr. Dobson conducted a survey among women to find out the source of depression.
He identified the sources and then he offered some answers.
In addition to that, he gave some tips on what the husbands can do to help their wives
(provided the husbands read this book, something that Dr. Dobson himself has doubt on).

1.) Low self esteem
It is feeling of loneliness, having no one to talk to; of being ugly and sexually unattractive; of failure as a wife and mother.
Some women choose to withdraw as they do not want to get ridiculed whereas some others will fight to prove their worth.
For those suffering from low self esteem, the solution Dr. Dobson is one: the women should realize that they are equal to men;
that feminine role as a mother and wife is full of dignity as how God intended it to be.

2.) Fatigue and Time Pressure
Nowadays, “to-do list” has become longer and tighter.
Time pressure has made parents spend little time with their children.
Dr. Dobson recommended husband to understand their wives’ struggle.
If possible the couple should hire a domestic helper.
In all cases, the husband/wife should learn to gracefully say “no” to avoidable busyness.

3.) Loneliness, isolation, boredom and absence of romantic love in marriage
A husband doesn’t generally depend on his wife as primary shield against inferiority.
He derives self esteem from being respected, something he can get from workplace.
On the other hand, fulltime housewife derives self esteem from being loved, mainly from her husband as she may be isolated from others.
While a husband might approach a marriage like a business partnership, a wife longs to be his special sweetheart.
The solution to this is found in the Bible: the husband is the cheer his wife up and to love her (Deut 24:5, Eph 5:28-33).

4.) Financial difficulty
Dr. Dobson recommended a reevaluation on the family spending.
The couple should not invest lives on worthless materialism, both in the original expenditure and the subsequent maintenance.
Earthly existence only has meaning has one lives a life of serving God, invests in other people’s lives and nurtures a loving family.

5.) Sexual problem
God designed sexual intercourse as a mean of communicating commitment and to bring pleasure.
There is difference, however, between sex for men and for women.
Sex for men is mainly physical thing whereas sex for women is emotional experience.
Hence, unless the wife feels a certain closeness to her husband, she will not enjoy sexual encounter with him.
Several ways the husband can help their wife overcome this sexual problem: to improve the romantic element, not to demand that his wife experience orgasm, to pay attention to the geography and technique of intercourse, and to always uphold his wife’s self esteem.

6.) Menstrual and psychological problem.
Women’s self esteem is related to estrogen level.
They may feel more depressed and irritable before menstruation than in the midcycle.
Lack of estrogen affects their psychological and physical problem.
If necessary, Dr. Dobson recommended hormonal therapy to women experiencing menopause.

7.) Problem with children
Both father and mother contribute to the development of their children.
Child care center is not a substitute of parents’ responsibility.
A husband must provide full support to his fulltime housewife.

8.) Aging
Old age may be an experience filled with loneliness, sickness and low self esteem.
Fortunately, for Christians, there is hope of eternal life beyond the grave.
In her old age, a wife needs the same love and respect she received from her husband when she was younger.

A very thoroughly written book.
It has taught me many things about women and prepared me for my future family.
I am not sure if The Ink Room bookstore still has this title in stock.
But if it does, do get a copy of it, ok?
I’d like to end this review with a quote from this book:

What do women most want from their husbands?
It is the assurance that “hand and hand we’ll face the best and worst life has to offer-together.”

Posted October 16, 2012 by Jefri Yue Fei 吴岳飞 in Book Review

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A Christian Finding A Non-Christian Life Partner?? + Not Having Babies Due To Finance??

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend regarding relationship.
She happens to be attracted to a non-Christian guy.
I recommended to her not to get attached to him first unless that guy accepts Christ first.
She quoted 1 Corinthians 7:16 as she really wanted to get attached to him.
However, I then explained this verse to her.

1 Cor 7:12-16
In this instance, the couples had actually been married first before Paul came.
When Paul came and preached to them, let’s say only the wife accepted Christ.
The husband then would either accept or object the wife’s decision.
If the husband did not mind, the wife was to stay married with him; no divorce as there was a chance for the wife to win the husband for God.
If the husband really rejected and wanted divorce, Paul advised the wife to go with the divorce.

I then SMS-ed her, telling that a Christian should never even get attached to a non-Christian (2 Cor 6:14).
Otherwise, he/she will not be fruitful for God: less passionate about God.
In fact, I believe he/she will then eventually disobey God in other areas too.

Well, regardless of whether she likes him or not,
I only pray that that guy will accept Christ one day…


An article in TR Emeritus shows a survey result done by “I Love Children” organization.

Apparently, 50% couple choose not to have kids because of insufficient income.
That’s a big news.

Pastor Kong has been teaching the members to confess God’s Word.
When it comes to finance, he encouraged the members to confess times  and again
“Money will come. Money will come. Money will come.”

Amen for that. I confess it too.
In addition to that, I firmly believe children are blessing from God (Ps 127:3).
In Indonesian, there is this saying “Banyak anak banyak rezeki” which means “more kids more blessing”.
Well, I am still single. So, what do I confess?

Money will come.
Girlfriend will come.
Wife will come.
Many kids will come
(repeat it 3 times daily)

Amen for that!

Book Review XIV: With This Ring I’m Confused


I purchased this book during 23% promotion weekend in church bookstore.
Well, I wanted to learn more about relationship, so I really grabbed several titles including this book.
With This Ring I’m Confused is a novel which presents possible hiccup as one is about to get married.

Ashley and Kevin are planning to tie the knot.
However, Kevin is too occupied with work, leaving Ashley to plan to wedding matrimony. That’s when the problems arise.
Emily (Kevin’s younger sister) and Elaine (Kevin’s mother) try to hijack the wedding plan, much to Ashley’s dismay.
As if it is not enough, Ashley spends so much money on the wedding preparation and even helping her brother to the point that she is broke.
The work pressure escalates as she is promoted to a position she hardly likes.
Not to mention, her ex-boyfriend returns and haunts her.
When she nearly gives up on her dream wedding, Kevin all of sudden takes charge and solves almost all her problems.
Finally, they really get married!!

This book taught me plenty things:

1.) There is boundary when it comes to relationship with family in-laws.
Indeed, in the future I should definitely build a good understanding and communication with family in-laws.
However, when they step beyond the boundary, I should really be honest and communicate things out with cool head.
The principle is clear for the couple: to leave and to cleave.

2.) Money management is very important.
Wedding definitely costs a lot of money. Hence, I should start saving from now.
Indeed, I may receive gift (i.e. hong bao) from the guests.
However, I should not assume that I will get any “profit”.

3.) Past means past.
Ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is past story.
Even though he/she may return to present time, he/she should start as a normal friend.

4.) Family is more important than career.
This goes without question. Yes, I might be busy with work.
However, I must always set aside quality time with family.
If necessary, I will sacrifice my career for my family.

A very good book.
I am not sure if The Ink Room still has it.
But if it does, do grab a copy of it, ok?

Posted August 24, 2012 by Jefri Yue Fei 吴岳飞 in Book Review

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